Student “Grinding Tonight” Somehow Will Be Smoking Three and a Half Joints

In a shocking turn of events, Jack Kereckes (C’23) went into this evening with the intention of completing his biology coursework yet came out completely catatonic with an alarming amount of cannabis in his system. 

The evening started out just like any other: Kereckes left dinner and went back to his residence. He refilled the Britta as well as the humidifier. He washed his hands. He connected his laptop to the charger and opened a Google Doc. His plan was to complete his bio lab report and call in with his study group to brainstorm a project. This was when he glanced at his grinder in his peripheral. One thing led to another, before he knew it, Kereckes was by his half-open window, joint in hand, eyes vacant. The time was 11 PM and our guy has completed zero percent of the work he was set do tonight and exactly three and a half joints. 

Kereckes reported: “Dude, I had no idea what happened. One moment I was by my laptop, about to type away my lab report. And then the next, I was high out of my mind. Absolutely nothing happened in between. I was as confused as you are.”

As of press time, Kereckes was spotted sound asleep on the couch with his laptop still open and his project partners furiously calling his cellphone. There’s nothing our king can do and it’s absolutely not his fault!