The Next Zuckerberg? My LinkedIn Profile Just Got Four Views

I don’t want to get ahead of myself or anything, but last night, four different, individual people looked at my LinkedIn profile, and if I’m not running a Fortune 500 company within six months, it’ll be the upset of the century.

Sure, none of them messaged me, but that’s beside the point. They looked. Four people—only one of which the website revealed was my mom—glanced over my resume. They saw that I was an intern at a start-up, they saw that I did research, they saw that my skills include organization and punctuality. If they’re not enticed by that, then I don’t think I want to work with/for/over them anyways.

Once I’m fully Zuckerberg-level successful, though, they’ll need to do my version of The Social Network. I like what Sorkin did with Zuckerberg’s, and he’d probably want to write and direct mine, but to be honest, my biopic can do without that. I don’t know, maybe the Coen brothers can write it. Maybe if most of my ascent is barefoot, Tarantino can.

I don’t want it to seem like I’m getting ahead of myself or anything. Obviously I’ve still got to talk with these LinkedIn people and let them try and woo me to their respective companies. But I’m basically a passing Math-104 grade away from being a billionaire.