Cute! Penn Dems to Launch Whimsical "Millenial Pink" Infographics Advocating for War With Russia

While Penn students have been occupied with date nights and lingering assignment deadlines, our foreign policy apparatus has been contending with a Red Menace in Eastern Europe. If one was unaware of impending war, they should be forgiven. So was our President. Rest easy because the godless Political Science majors hired by our State Department hatching diabolical schemes have your best interests at heart. 

Gone are the days of celebrating Biden’s victory as regular Americans now face the daunting issues of inflation, springtime ennui and others threats to their quality of life. Such concerns may seem distant to those attending one of the wealthiest universities on the planet, but political advocates at Penn have certainly kept their finger on the pulse, pledging allegiance to a party now detested by the majority.

Penn is an integral component of this sheltered-adolescent-to-liberal-regime-functionary pipeline. Having spent their childhoods earning excellent marks in an education system designed to promote mediocrity, many have flocked to political advocacy as a way of securing empty credentials in a world bereft of meaning. These forms of advocacy include such important work as creating zany and reductionist infographics that often misuse psychological terminology to describe complex social phenomena.

In the midst of a campaign intended to enhance relatability, Penn Democrats has now crafted a helpful set of story-able design templates that parse through the nuances of Putin’s maneuvers in Ukraine. Some describe Putin’s actions as "love-bombing" the separatist-backed republics of Donetsk and Luhansk, while others criticize the dictator’s affect as "toxically masculine."

As liberal democracy faces a general legitimacy crisis, Penn Democrats has devoted itself to manufacturing consent for a failed political system. Amidst the week’s geopolitical turmoil, a recent Penn Dems communiqué urged members to center policy discussions around what voters really want: triple masking kindergarteners in perpetuity.