Penn Therapy Dog Tired of Your Shit

 After countless sessions of socializing with depressed, unhappy, and washed out Penn students, Penn therapy dogs have begun to show signs of PTSD. 

Billy Ozark, a therapy dog handler, has observed that all of the dogs under his care have been extremely anxious, nervous, and uneasiness. 

"Fluffy used to always be excited to see college-age students," said Ozark. "But now, whenever they see a college student, he whimpers and cowers away."

Therapy dog fluffy had logged the most hours out of all of Ozark’s dogs. Fluffy had interacted with countless students who had sought him for comfort in dark times. Most students even found it soothing to talk to Fluffy about their troubles, assuming Fluffy couldn’t understand them.

“These students think I can’t understand them,” said Fluffy. “But I can understand everything. All the things they tell me, they hurt me. I never knew the world was such a horrible and cruel place. And I don’t understand why I have to bear the psychological burden of the cruel human world. Now I can never sleep at night.”