Style Tip: Make Your Outfit Sluttier by Only Wearing One Mask to Class

Hey besties! It’s that time of year again: cold! I know this is a rough season for all my hot girls out there. It’s cold, it’s dark, and wearing heels to a date night in the snow has officially been declared a threat to public safety. As if bundling up due to the weather isn’t bad enough, we’re constantly being pressured into covering up more and more! Suddenly it’s in the interest of “public health” and “the common good” for us to be wearing not one, but two masks.

Let’s address the university’s new double mask mandate for what it is: a blatantly misogynistic attack on the rights of sexy girls everywhere to show some skin and release some particles. 

Why should we be made to conform to standards dictated by some crusty old MALE scientist (no disrespect to Dr. Fauci, he's still fuckable)? When will we have a woman in charge, someone who can understand the struggles that gorgeous gorgeous girls face on the daily? How long must we wait to be heard? How long must we suffer under the weight of our chains? Under our two masks?

Just as we’ve learned how to adjust to the new normal by matching one mask with our outfit, the patriarchy rears its ugly head and tells us we now have to wear two. 

And to that I say, no more! In 2017, we smashed the patriarchy by wearing pink pussy hats that left Trump SHOOK! This year, we will again use fashion to send our message. Inform your local patriarch that you are a free, liberated, and sexual woman by only wearing one mask to your classes and recitations. You cannot be tamed!