Dining Halls Go Self-Serve, Thousands Flock to Fill Pockets With Grapes

As I enter the space that is Hill Dining Hall for the early bird special, I am aghast with the sheer multitude of people present. Behold: young adults swarming! But, why, on an ordinary day like today, is there an increased interest in the vast offerings available?

What’s this I see? Everyone has some sort of strange container. Is that a shoebox? Or could it be…no, it can’t? A hollowed out watermelon? Are they carrying an empty terrarium? 

I stand stoically as I watch the sight that is a young man filling his backpack with fresh mixed greens from the salad bar. To my right, a member of the women’s track and field team ladles clam chowder into tupperware of various sizes. On the far side of the room, a small girl gently places 84 corn muffins into a duffel bag.

I rush to the nearest kind face to beg for answers. “What is this madness?!?”, I cry. “Self serve, baby,” they reply calmly. 

After months of being an observer in the culinary arts, I am now chef! Gone are the days where I have to awkwardly ask for my strange and awkward food combinations. Now I can put tzatziki on my pineapple without shame. I urge you to do the same!

After this deep epiphany, I direct myself to the fruit station and reach deep into the green grapes with my freshly unwashed fingers. Manhandling the grapes, I open my pockets and proceed to fill. 

Dear reader, is this my money’s worth?