BREAKING: Girl in Off-Campus Sorority Hat Says “It's Giving,” Whole Table Laughs

God, this girl is so rogue. Basically, you’re sitting in your recitation group for your ancient greek history class, and the girl across the table from you says, “it’s giving boring.” Holy shit. She is so funny. How am I such a fool to not think to string together such words myself. Her parents are Republicans but she is bisexual. That is really cool. You open Instagram and see her Parade ads. It’s so cool that she’s an influencer.

You look at the stickers on her laptop. “Abolish Greek Life,” says one. It’s ok because her sorority is off-campus. You decide to throw my Greek Lady receipt in the trash after class. “Gentrification is violence,” says another. You didn’t think about it that way… she’s so right. Her dad owns Campus Apartments, but at least she’s aware.

You look at her outfit. She’s wearing an oversized camo top that she thrifted. Whether the pattern is a rhetorical choice remains a mystery, but it’s working. 

“Our project is a serve,” she says, eliciting clamorous applause from her tablemates and breaking you out of your stupor. Such incredible natural charm.