Success! Week-Long Mask Mandate Totally 100% Effective

We did it! After one grueling week of enforced mask-wearing, which was 100% effectively enforced, the pandemic has ended. The Novel Coronavirus has been eradicated, thanks to your 7 day compliance. Yay! 

Good job! You, yes you! You wore a mask for one (1) week without fail and you saved oh so many lives. Now, as a little tiny reward, take that mask off and breathe deeply. Be proud! :D

At 4:33 PM EST, Wendell Pritchett, Interim Savior, sent out a simple, yet straightforward, email to the Penn community with the terrific news. “Good things happen to good people,” Wendell Pritchett was reported saying after he sent out the email, grinning ear to ear. Let the celebrations ensue! 

I’m like literally so happy about this. This is big! Why is nobody talking about this????

Last week, I was getting a little worried, but now I know everything is going to be A OK. Thankfully, we made it through. That one singular week of mask-wearing saved everything. The scientific data is in: it all worked so well and it’s all good, nothing to see here. Take pride in this big accomplishment. Take pride!

In most of the world, wearing masks for over two years did not end the pandemic. But when the tight-knit community that is known as The University of Pennsylvania wore masks for one breathtaking week, the results were overwhelmingly outstanding. Success!