Penn LGBT Center Says You Can Use “Gay” in a Derogatory Way Again

In a press release today, Penn’s LGBT center, home of free printing on campus and nothing else, announced that it is now acceptable to describe things you dislike as “gay.” This decision comes after the appointment of a new, straight president of the LGBT center, Brad Chadleyson, who replaced the former president, Stacy Layne Matthews.

In a recent interview, Chadleyson told us, “yeah, the LGBT center basically gets to control whatever gay shit goes on on campus. During lacrosse practice, my dad always taught me that the one with the ball has all the power. And now I’m the one with the ball. No homo. And it’s like…why would I want my speech censored by a bunch of queers? Sorry, I meant to say ‘queens’. Why would I want my speech censored by a bunch of queens? Stonewall was about fighting against censorship. I’m basically the best ally on campus.”

The press release also included things that Chadleyson personally thought were “gay.” These included things like the Pittsburgh Steelers, repeatedly failing your junior year of high school, and that thing where your girlfriend gets mad at you for making out with her friend while you’re at Smokes.

Looking into the future, Chadleyson tells us he’d like to collaborate with other campus affinity groups to normalize and re-establish the use of other slurs to be “intersectional.” 

“Queers exist in every community.” Chadleyson explained, “it would be a shame not to acknowledge that as loudly and as often as we can.”