BREAKING: Penn to Convert Smokes Into Indian Restaurant

In their most recent diversity stint, the University of Pennsylvania has decided to make alterations to beloved campus bar Smokey Joe’s. The bar has been a haven for college students for years, but it will now be transformed into an Indian restaurant serving the Penn community.

As a result, Smokes will now officially be recognized as a cultural center. Beginning in early April, construction will begin to make both the exterior and interior of Smokes resemble a giant Hindu temple. On Wednesday nights, Sink or Swim will be discontinued and replaced with CIS 160 tutoring.

To accompany these changes, Penn has also decided to switch from the use of Dining Dollars to rupees. Unfortunately, these cannot be used at any dining location on campus or beyond, as  rupees are not a valid form of currency within the United States. But the university doesn’t mind—it stands with its South Asian community!

“I love butter chicken,” Interim Provost Beth Winkelstein said on the matter. She then turned to Under the Button’s diversity hire (Josh Mukherjee: tall, beautiful Thindian) and gave him a long, wet kiss.