Penn to Send Unused Meal Swipes in Form of Soggy Pizza, Moldy Strawberries to Ukraine

In an effort to alleviate the growing humanitarian crisis in Ukraine, the University of Pennsylvania has decided to send all unused meal swipes to Ukraine in the form of soggy pizza, moldy strawberries, and overcooked meat. 

“It makes the most sense to use the students’ money to donate to the crisis, and make it seem like the school is donating,” said director Al Loof. “We would never use the school’s exorbitant endowment.”

The dining hall is not the only organization on campus to have offered donations to Ukraine. PennCAPS has offered to donate its counseling services, but Ukraine has rejected the offer, citing poor quality of the program.