Penn Unveils Map&Compass@Penn to Navigate Path@Penn

Due to increasing numbers of students becoming lost and trapped inside the endless recursive windows of Path@Penn, the university announced that it will provide all students with maps and compasses to make navigation of Path@Penn easier. 

“I have not seen my roommate, Dora Esplora, for the past couple days”, says freshman Diego Marquez (N ‘26). “The last thing she told me was she was going to select some classes on Path@Penn, and I have not heard from her since.”

Esplora is not the only Penn student to have gone missing in Path@Penn. Academic advisor Josephine Moma (C ‘69) has seen more and more students go missing in the system since classes have started. 

“Path@Penn is truly uncharted territory”, says Moma. “I am very proud that Penn students are approaching the danger and unknown of Path@Penn dauntlessly. The students who have perished while pushing the frontiers of Path@Penn will not have died in vain. It is great that the school appreciates our students’ fearlessness, and is supporting them more by providing maps and compasses.”

However, some Penn students are apprehensive about the new tools.

“How do you read a compass?” asked freshman Cris Colombus (W ‘26).