EXCLUSIVE: The Inside Scoop on Liz Magill’s Synesthesia

In a rare feat of investigative journalism, UTB managed to unearth exclusive information about President Elizabeth Magill’s musings on worldly topics. One thing led to another, and she eventually divulged her identity as not only Penn’s first Gen X president, but also the first synesthete to hold the esteemed position. 

“Being a Gen X synesthete has its challenges. I feel like no one understands me, at least not at the same level that I understand myself. I’m very deep. It’s a Gen X thing,” Liz bravely noted. Magill then grabbed our reporter by the collar, pleading for more government funding to investigate her medical enigma. 

After handing her a glass of water (which she described as rough and quartz-like) to calm her down, our reporter played a game of sensory association to better understand her mental machinations. 

When shown the Stanford insignia, reminiscent of her former employer, Magill responded, “Somewhere between Elizabeth Holmes and petrichor.”

When listening to “The Red and the Blue,” Penn’s opening movie credits, she pondered for a moment, then remarked, “There’s a red cloud. And also a blue cloud.” Very creative, Liz. 

When shown the site of the UC Townhomes, she declined to comment.