Wharton Announces New Minor in White-Collar Crime for Class of 2027

In the University of Pennsylvania’s largest academic overhaul since its Department of Philosophy began offering the Navel Gazing and Intoxicated Debating concentrations in 2008, the Wharton School approved the creation of the WCC (White-Collar Crime) minor for interested undergraduates starting in the Fall 2023 semester.

“Times are changing, and the nature of our business education needs to change with them. The legally-sketchy practices of yesterday are the groundbreaking investment strategies of tomorrow,” noted Wharton School Dean Erika James. “We recognize that in order to stay competitive in a rapidly-evolving environment, sometimes you need to take the backdoor.”

Beginning next fall, participating undergraduates will be able to take classes with colorful titles like “History of Market Manipulation: From Onions to Enron” and “Techniques in Political Bribery.” Upon graduation, students will receive both a coveted diploma from the Wharton School and a unique inmate identifier from the Federal Bureau of Prisons. According to the Wharton website, this program will not be available for graduate students on account of the difficulty of finding qualified professors who were not already incarcerated or fugitives from justice.

Due to the anticipated popularity of the minor, it will be offered on an apply-only basis for the Class of 2027. Interested high school seniors will need to indicate their interest in the program on the Common Application and respond to prompts such as “Do you believe that our society ignores ethical concerns enough?” and “When was the last time you lied to your mother’s face? Did you feel bad?” If their application moves forward, they will be subject to an interview section where they will be judged on their ability to sell junk bonds to a grieving widow.