Dude Who Is Already A Fifth-Year Senior Can't Wait For Homecoming Next Year

Danny McBride (C ‘22 → C ‘23) is an impassioned fifth year student of three very important things: Philosophy, Politics, and Economics. Danny loves the advantages that come with being a fifth year senior. He is super tight with his landlord, for instance, as they are going on their third year of quasi-friendship. As Danny advances towards adulthood, he just relates to Desmond the landlord more and more. “It’s like, these four-year college kids are just so crazy, man. No one else gets that,” Danny relayed to me in a phone conversation as he sprinted to catch the last couple minutes of his lecture. The pair make bulk alcohol purchases, experiment with different sweatpants/socks/sandals combos, and watch war documentaries together. 

He has also become super tight with the fourth year seniors in his fraternity, and now effectively experiences twice the brotherhood as before. From his perspective, it’s perfect. A couple years back, he made them dive naked into the Schuylkill River and didn’t let them resurface until they presented him with a crab. Now, they are best buds! Don't tell Danny, but the fourth year seniors are kind of sick of his whole “I’m one of you guys now!” shtick. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, especially since (god willing) he will be graduating from this University in the spring.

This past weekend, Danny identified another reason to celebrate his fifth year seniority: Homecoming! “It was so awesome,” said Danny when I approached him for comment right before he fell down the winding staircase of Ligma Chi and fell asleep on the floor in a ball. That it was, Danny. That it was. 

When Danny woke up by his own volition (I casually poured a jar of poppers onto his face from 4 feet up), I asked him to elaborate on his earlier “It was so awesome” comment. Why, Danny? Why was it so awesome? He responded in the tone of an inspired politician professing their love for their country, but the substance of his sentence left a bit to be desired. All he could muster was, “Dude... it’s just great to be home man. Been gone way too long, brother. Definitely gonna catch me here next year too.” It seems that Danny was unaware of his six outstanding credits, and instead pictured himself as your standard full-time working graduate. I was not moved, and I pray that there is no opportunity for a follow-up interview next year.