Victory! Company Gentrifying McDonald’s Is Owned by Women and Minority

When the Daily Pennsylvanian broke the news, shockwaves were felt across Penn’s progressive community. Activists crawled out of their tents and saw the sunlight. At long last —  mission accomplished.

“This means, like, a lot to us,” explained Brittney Graham (C’26, white, has been in Philadelphia for two months), “this is what we’ve been fighting so long for. Finally a decisive win for the community.”

Penn’s planned conversion of the 40th Street McDonald’s into tens of thousands of square feet of office space originally struck activists as yet another example of Penntrification. This reckless project threatened to further raise the cost of living and displace BIPOC residents and single mothers, activists said. 

But now — justice is finally served. The University is contracting with a development company that is woman and minority owned. Some members of the Penn community couldn’t control their jubilance.

Penn Dems spokesperson Jack Wright (C’23), between tears, said “representation matters. Elevating BIPOC women matters. I’m so happy to speak on their behalf and declare this monumental victory. This is how you gentrify the right way.”

Fossil Free Penn dismantled their encampment this morning in a nod to their intense appreciation for the University’s groundbreaking move. Plans will soon be announced for a ceremony on College Green in which students will grab hands with President Magill and other senior officials to sing Kumbaya. 

In a surprising contradiction, West Philadelphia residents did not share students’ optimism.

“Who gives a fuck?” responded one West Philly resident interviewed by UTB. Future investigative work will be needed to determine why West Philly is so ungrateful.