Stupid Girl at Berghain Doesn’t Understand Going to Penn Kind of a Big Deal Where I’m From

I’m there. Wow. We made it in. Having such a great time at Berghain. There is dancing, there are drinks, people seem to be enjoying themselves. These characteristics make me feel safe and comfortable to enjoy myself, and I am feeling inspired to rizz. My friends go to the bar for round two, and I am momentarily stranded. That’s okay, I can pivot. I ask two girls where they are from, they say Montreal. Never heard of it, but it sounds interesting. Foreign, to say the least.

We continue to converse. At times, we stand and yell into each other’s ears. At other times, we dance. While dancing, we mouth words to each other and pretend that we all understand what the other people are saying. In reality, we do not know. My friends return, and one of the girls departs, but I do not know where she heads.

Things get interesting when I begin to talk about myself (that is usually how things work). I am from Philadelphia, I speak French at an intermediate level, I go to the University of Pennsylvania. One problem, this imbecile does not know what the University of Pennsylvania is. She is familiar with the state school called “Penn State,” and continually clarifies whether I mean Penn State or not. 

**In my head**

No! I do not mean Penn State! You are a moron! I mean the University of Pennsylvania! Do they even have college in Montreal?! Fuck you! I hate you! 

How does she not know? Everyone knows. When I was in high school, everyone knew. In college, everyone knows. My family members know. It’s like... a big deal. I got pretty good grades in high school and participated in a variety of extracurricular activities. Now, that means I get to pretend to be embarrassed when strangers are impressed by me.

**In Berghain**

“Haha yeah it’s like this school in my hometown, surprised you haven’t heard of it haha but Philly isn’t that big so...” 

**In my head**

I HATE THIS STUPID MONTREALIAN GIRL! I HATE BERLIN! FUCK THIS CLUB! 

**In Berghain**

“Do you want to get a drink?”

“No, I need to find my friend.” 

“Oh, yeah better get on that haha nice to meet you.”

I return to my friends and relay a successful tale of rizz. They are impressed. I have done it again, they say. I shrug like Michael Jordan.