Penn Launches Campus-Wide Intercom System To Announce Commons Specials Every Morning

PHILADELPHIA, PA — University of Pennsylvania President Liz Magill went on NBC10 this morning to discuss recent issues plaguging the Class of 1920 Commons, breaking her tenure-long silence on the subject. For weeks, undergraduates and staff have been demanding clarity around the enigma that is the daily specials at Expo.

Under the current system, students are required to search “Penn Dining” on Google, click on the first link, then wander around the website aimlessly until they can pinpoint the menu for their dining hall of choice. 

Starting November 1, the University will begin to provide this information daily in a manner accessible to each and every student living on-campus... and off-camus.

Every morning at 8AM, a student selected by Interim Provost Beth Winkelstein will announce the daily special to all members of the community. A proprietary technology developed in the University’s David Rittenhouse Labratories will utilize a novel series of high-end speakers to create an intercom system across campus. Speakers disguised as rocks, trash cans, piles of leaves (in the fall), and piles of dirty snow (in the winter) will broadcast the announcement everywhere within a 5-mile radius. 

The University’s Electrical Engineering Department has ensured Under The Button that students will be able to clearly hear these announcements in the high rises and all on campus dorms. Liz Magill stated in her interview that: “Our new system will reach even students living off campus. The Board hopes that this change will increase enrollment in upperclassmen dining plans”. Under The Button was not able to verify these claims.

The system will remain in place through the end of the Spring 2023 semester when an official survey of the student body will be conducted. The results of this survey will determine the future of the program.