High-Rise Mice, Rats Complain of Student Infestation

Just last week, the mice and rat community of all three high-rises held a community-wide forum to discuss the little pests scurrying about their buildings: students.

The students’ lack of cleanliness was one of the rodents’ chief complaints.

“They’re just very dirty creatures,” said John, a rat who resides in the Rodin stairwell. “It’s upsetting, frankly, to see the blatant disregard they have for health protocols,” he continued.

This was met with uproarious applause from the rodent community.

The rodents felt, too, living amongst students to be simply beneath them.

“Oh, they’re terribly uncouth, I feel I must say,” said Alfred IV, a mouse from Harnwell, where his family has reigned for centuries. "I say down with them once and for all!"

It seems that the rodent populace may be on the verge of launching a calculated assault on students. Beware.