Stupid Bitch! My Sorority Big Is Just as Lost in Life as I Am!

When I rushed sororities as a sophomore, I was ultimately looking for an answer to a question that I’ve had ever since arriving to Penn’s historic and highly ranked campus. That question was: “Where should I go with my life?”

There is no clear structure or guidance for college like there is for high school. I used up all my energy trying to get into this premier institution but once I got here, I found that I didn’t know where else to go. I spent my entire freshman year searching for a purpose or someone who could help show me the way but all I could find was sex, drugs, and Wordle. 

So this year I decided that I needed to make a change. I was apprehensive to join a sorority because I didn’t think that I’d really fit in or that I would get much out of it. Yeah, friends are nice, but did I have to resort to a somewhat materialistic, seemingly superficial group of people that I have to pay to be a part of? After asking some of my friends in sororities about their experiences though, it seemed like this process could be something good for me. I would make more friends, and I may even figure out what to do with my life along the way.

Now that I’m through with rush and have joined the ‘23 PC of Alpha Tau Epsilon, I go through the next part of the process which is finding a “lin.” For weeks I met up with numerous sophomores and juniors in the PC’s above me and I was eventually matched with a “Big.” I was so excited to learn from her and was looking forward to getting my life together with the help of her seasoned advice.

My Big is supposed to be a mentor. She’s gone through this process of “finding herself” and she’s now a responsible adult who has a plan for the future. The more I got to know her though, the more I realized this wasn’t the case. I went out with her to a frat the other day and she chugged five Four Lokos in 15 minutes then proceeded to run up the stairs, take a guy’s mattress off his bed, slide down the stairs with it, fall off the side and break her arm in the process. I took her to the hospital and when we got there she cried to me about how much of a “fuck up” she is. She explained that she only got into Penn because she paid the introverted, academic decathlon kid in her high school to take the ACT for her and her parents hate her because she still couldn’t get into Harvard like the rest of her siblings. She’s blown half of her trust fund on cocaine and she bombed the last interview she had for McKinsey because the interviewer noticed her ELFBAR in her bra. She doesn’t know where her life is going and at this point, she doesn’t want to know.

I looked into her eyes and I saw my future. I’m terrified.