Faking Interest, Der Dritte

An advice column about love, life, and rock n’ roll, run by two of the sveltest broads in all of Pennsylvania. To make you more comfortable in this space, we’d like to introduce ourselves. We are Maya Kreger and Carey Salvin, both self-declared role models and the least self-indulgent people you’ll ever meet. In the end, we’re just two girls hoping to spread goodwill with our life-changing and fully ideated ideas. We are here to answer your questions, no matter how outlandish or simplistic they might be. You're welcome!

 If you have any issues that require our assistance, fret not and submit your questions here.

Hi Maya and Carey,

I used Chat GPT to write an outline for my writing sem White Paper and they reported me to the Office of Student Conduct for plagiarizing. What should I do now?

Thanks,

Kerrie Sullivan

Hi Kerrie,

If you have been reported to the Office of Student Conduct for plagiarism, it is important that you take the allegations seriously and respond appropriately. The best course of action would be to contact an attorney or student conduct advisor for guidance on how to respond to the allegations and navigate the disciplinary process.

You should also be prepared to provide any documentation or evidence that may support your case, such as the original source material or evidence of your own original work. Additionally, it is important to understand and comply with the academic integrity policies and procedures of your institution, as these will govern the conduct process and may affect the outcome of the investigation.

It's also worth noting that the use of GPT-3 or any Al-based tool to write your assignment is not considered a legitimate writing method but rather a form of plagiarism, and, therefore, it's not recommended.

Love,

Maya and Carey, Anti-Plagiarism Advocates and Definitely Not Robots Beep Bop Boop

Hi Maya and Carey, 

I am from the gorgeous island of Mykonos, so I decided to join Greek Life. I was rushing various sororities such as **redacted**, **redacted**, and Theta, and I was shocked to see such a lack of Greek representation. For groups so supportive of the “Greek Life Style,” there seemed to be a distinct void of olive oil, tzatziki, and screenings of “My Big Fat Greek Wedding.” In the end, I obviously say yes to my bid at **redacted**, but should I drop due to this blatant disregard for Mediterranean ethical standards? Tbh, they seem really nice though…

Thanks,

υπέρμαχος των νόμων και των ηθών

Hi υπέρμαχος των νόμων και των ηθών,

It’s all Greek to me!

Love, 

Maya and Carey, επίδοξοι τριτοετείς και προμηθευτές της αρχαίας ελληνικής τέχνης

Hi Maya and Carey, 

I just don’t know what to do. I was in the line for self-checkout at Acme, when I overheard a startling conversation. Two very tall men in what I can only assume were Italian wool suits, were chatting in what I can only assume was conversational Italian. After watching White Lotus Season 2, I was well-equipped to eavesdrop. They seemed to be planning to do some sort of a coup d’état at the Kelly Writers House Big Chili Cook Off. I gasped audibly when I heard their Big Plan. They were to bring in a big beautiful steaming pot of chili and when receiving The Big Award, they will take control over the government of this very Writer’s House. Once in power, they will destroy all creative writing programs, replace them with theoretical math courses, and thus, unravel the integrity of this university. Should I do something and try to stop this takedown?

Thanks, 

Mia y Lucia

Hi Mia y Lucia,

Firstly, how dare they! Don’t these mysterious men know that the Kelly Writers House Big Chili Cook Off is the event of the millennium? Aside, of course, from the upcoming visit by Michael Imperioli. To disrupt the peace in such a violent manner is entirely unacceptable. We believe that for the sanctity of our nation, you must report them to the relevant authorities. In this day and age, we can’t be sure that the fabric of our very nation would be held in place upon the competition of several steaming pots of chili. We can only hope that each and every chili is equally delicious with one chili to rule them all. Hopefully, that chili isn’t theirs (but is ours!). Godspeed and may the chili simmer.

Love, 

Maya and Carey, Your Obedient Servants and Stanchions of Peace Amongst Chili