Stupid Bitch! Girl Scout Sells Cookies Without Wharton MBA

The groundhog has spoken: Girl Scout cookie season is upon us. For most of the community, this is a joyous time, filled with the thinnest of all mints, as well as other various treats of various levels of deliciousness. However, for many, it is a disgusting reminder of the lack of education among our youth.

Wharton MBA candidate, Richard Spindler, said upon the rise of Girl Scouts on campus, “Those stupid, childish girls. They don’t know the beginning of entrepreneurship. I went to Wharton undergrad, and now I’m getting my MBA in Corporate Machine Learning, and they’re just in second grade. My family name is on a tall building, and they’re making friendship bracelets. Disgusting.” 

Notably, Girl Scouts across America have a record low percentage of MBAs: 0.00001%. This shocking statistic outlines not only how there is a gender divide in higher education, but that they are woefully unprepared to trade, barter, and exchange goods. The Wharton School has sent out a statement on the matter: “We pity those poor, weak, little girls. Foul and full of saturated fats, those cookies are. Hardly gourmet, hardly organic. Palm oil. May contain peanuts. Contains peanuts. Fucking idiots.”