DP Survey Finds Houston Hall Still Nowhere Near as Wet as the Engineering Students They Polled

It seems that the engineering students have won again. Amidst a water main break on Saturday, emergency water services sent a flood down Spruce street as they made repairs. And yet despite this, a recent DP survey found the area was still nowhere near as wet as the sex-crazed engineering students they polled. 

We asked Professor of Water Studies John Dik-Fitztightly, son of renowned Harvard Law Professor Ima Dik, his take on the situation. “Typically we judge wetness based on the Reisker Scale, a 1-7 scale that situates an object, environment, or person from either a 1, which is not wet at all, to a 7, which is sopping wet,” said Professor Dik-Fitztightly. “I would say that on Saturday, Houston Hall fell around a 3.5-3.7–a definite cause for concern. But based on the evidence at hand, I would argue an engineering student's Twin XL mattress cover could easily reach a 5.8-6.4 on the Resiker Scale on a particularly active Saturday night." 

Professor Dik-Fitztightly advised that there is nothing particularly wrong with landing high on the Reisker Scale: “Yeah, you’ll just be super wet.” 

Some engineering students have spoken to Under the Button reporters directly to comment on their nymphomania. However, we could not understand them due to their poor social cues. It really is a mystery how they’re getting some.