Rookie Mistake: Freshman Confused Why NOTO So Hard To Find at “Club” Fair

I love fairs. Fair play, fairlife, fair trial, fair trade, renaissance fair, oktoberfest, Iowa State Fair, etc. etc. The only thing that I love more than fairs and the right to bear arms is clubbing. There is truly nothing better than paying twenty dollars for entry, twenty dollars for a tequila sunrise, twenty dollars for an Uber, not to mention sixty dollars for an ID that says you’re above twenty. That’s what I call putting your money where your mouth is. As my going out group (we went to Spades together last Friday and have vowed to only go out with each other from here on out) will tell you, I’m really great at doing mental math, even when I’m 2 Solo cups in. So I can tell you that the money I spend when I go clubbing amounts to 480,000 times the fun. 

After discovering my profound love for the highs and lows (but mostly highs to be candid) of clubbing and the Philadelphia inner city (east of 30th…), I was elated to hear about the club fair via email from my trusty peer advisor who up until that point, I had deemed a loser who goes to sleep at 10pm every night. This event would be an epic mashup of my two favorite things, aside from the right to bear arms. However, my buddies and I are hoping to combine the three in Tennessee. Much to my chagrin, when I arrived at the club fair bright and at 12pm, NOTO, my favorite establishment to get lit in, was nowhere to be found. Not even Pulse or Roar or Global Research and Consulting made an appearance. Even worse, the people manning the booths were completely unfashionable and some clubs – see MERT –  even prided themselves on NOT being drinking clubs. I roamed and roamed and after being assailed by Beyond Hazing, I called it a day. Perhaps, I would have more luck at night?