Cougar Much? Girl (19, Junior) Goes to Date Night With 22 Year Old Freshman

There comes a special time in one’s life, and that time is the illustrious fraternity/sorority date night. You’re 19 and on fire, you’re desirable, you’re powerful, you go girl! Rush went sooooo well. You met some amazing people (and that Bitch Caitlyn too ig) but you know the end is nigh if you bring a boring guy to the most important event of your life: your date night. Beautiful, chic, modern women never struggle with this, though, and neither did this nondescript sorority girl. She knew she needed to take action before turning 20 and dealing with the death of her teens and losing the currency of her youth. She already had someone in mind, it was her prerogative. 

Jake, whom she met in her class that fulfills the long overdue college formal reasoning foundational requirement, was a perfect fit. For fit he was, with gorgeous flowy hair and sharp wit for a hot guy in a math class. Nondescript sorority girl stood from her chair, warily, and approached Jake’s seat. “Hey," she exclaimed with the enthusiasm she feigned during pl******, and “hey," he replied with non-chalantness.

I don’t have any insider information on what happened after that, but I suspect panic seeped into the mind of the nondescript sorority girl as she realized she’s taking a freshman to her date night. I mean...what a fucking creep, right? She has quickly become what she hated the most. She was the female Leonardo Dicaprio, but like actually hot.

Nondescript cougar sorority girl felt nothing but shame. Shame is the worst thing to feel during a date night. Jake noticed this, and got her a drink to help her from being crazy. “Wow your ID is, like, so believable." Jake looked confused, more confused than his usual resting face seemed. “Ha ha, don’t worry, I’m not like a crack baby I just, like, had a lot to do this week." He (with haste and in an endearing, mansplaining way) explained that this was his actual ID.

He’s 22? Waittttttttttttt…………………………………………………………………….........................................................................

Less attractive now.