Phi Delt Farm, Hall Vineyard, APES Iceland, ZBT The Moon: WHEN WILL IT END?

The craziest party of the year is happening!! Get ready for ZBT The Moon! 

Yep, that’s right! The two mildly abrasive transfers in your ‘Religion and Sports’ class just sent you a Facebook invite, so get ready to party. I can guarantee that this will be even more fun than that time you and your woke friend went to South Street. 

ZBT may have sent the woman who works at OFSL into cardiac arrest trying to get a permit for this, but nevertheless they persisted and are honored to be putting on the most physically taxing and strenuous party of the year.

Buses will meet outside Harrison College House and drive you, your friends and 4 ice sculptures to Cape Canaveral, Florida. 

Upon arrival, you will be greeted with a mimosa and kiss on the cheek from the ghost of Neil Armstrong. Friends and family of the House Zeta Beta Tau will be whisked away to a 'Spacecraft n’ Hoes' themed mixer with NASA workers. 

And, if you’re worried about attire, don’t be. Shein just started making clothing for astronaut uniforms for slutty but genuinely intellectually curious Physics majors. And, they sell them at that new store opposite Hill where none of us can figure out what is actually sold. 

Next, everyone will board the rocket. Of course, with girls in sororities that begin with T’s first. This rule still applies in space, silly!!

All aboard!! 

Right before we soar through the clouds, Clara (the night is dark) will play from the state-of-the-art speaker system, annoying both attendees of The Moon and all of America’s air traffic controllers. 

Now, time for blast off!!

Tell your parents you love them and get ready for the longest darty in the whole of the space-time continuum. 

Oh, and you better be rolling for this.