CS Student Swears He Didn’t Buy Apple Vision Pro To Watch VR Porn

A Computer Science Student was reported to be the first Penn student to purchase the Apple Vision Pro after staying up all night before launch day, wet with anticipation. After posting “Purchased this bad boi ✌️” on his Instagram story, the student was overwhelmed with a flurry of messages from friends asking him why he bought it. The inbound soon turned from curious to accusatory as the student faced a barrage of texts wondering if he had bought the Apple Vision Pro primarily for sexual intentions.

“There were other reasons like the optical innovations Apple has made with spatial computing around texture, audio, and visual depth. It makes media look really realistic. I’m interested in the metaverse. I might be interested in an AI gf. But no I didn’t buy it exclusively for VR Porn. I’m excited for it as someone broadly interested in technology.”

*This article is intended for satirical purposes only. As of the writing of this article, Apple does not actually permit VR pornography on the Apple Vision Pro.