Happy Earth Day! Penn Announces Plans to Cement Over Biopond for the Construction of a New Wawa

They paved paradise and put up a parking lot. That is, a parking lot for a Wawa. Which in some cases could be considered an even better paradise. 

This $7 million construction plan is projected to be complete by April 2025— its rapid construction a sign of Penn’s strong commitment to reflecting the needs of the Penn environment as a whole. The building has earned a LEED silver certification.

“People don’t realize that the LEED rating system concerns green buildings that offer environmental, social and governance benefits. We targeted the social aspect of that to earn the certification,” explained our informant at KSS Architects, the firm that designed the building. “It’s honestly such a vibe killer to tell people not to throw trash in the pond, so why not get rid of it entirely?”

College sophomore Cecelia Smith expressed her excitement for the new building. “I hope it takes dining dollars. Did you know that Wawa has pizza now?”

Another student, George Wilson (C ‘24), was more ambivalent about the news. “I’m graduating in a few weeks, and I wish they’d done this sooner,” he explained. “If they had, maybe people would’ve actually known where the biopond was.”

The public’s reaction to this new development of campus has been ultimately positive as they consider the environmental implications of this development. 

“Yeah, I guess we have to do something about climate and stuff,” Wilson elaborated. “But we also gotta have a Wawa. Like, another one. Think about the Penn environment.”