10 Ways to Boost Your Social Status at Penn

 1. Stop drinking Starbucks. Go to Pret. 

If you want people to take you seriously, you can’t be sipping on a fruity Starbucks refresher. For one, Starbs cup design is not minimalistic enough to show you don’t care about shit. The minimalistic design * P R E T * asserts a certain don’t-give-a-fuck-about-anything-but-my-ponzi-scheme state of mind. Starbucks cups make your fingers look stubby. Alternatively, the circumference to height ratio of Pret cups is perfect, making your fingers look svelte and lickable. Most importantly, Pret allows you to tastefully take sips from the immaculate burgundy and white paper straw, while Starbs obligates the disgraceful sipping from the tiny hole. Also, if you go late enough, you get a free croissant from Pret. Also, if you go behind the counter, you get multiple free croissants from Pret. 

2. That’s it. Just get a black iced coffee from Pret.