Wharton GRC Kicked Off Campus After Mocktail Networking Session #2 Got A Little Too Crazy

After years of pushing the boundaries of what is acceptable for a consulting club and defensible in civilized society, Wharton Global Research and Consulting’s time on Penn’s campus has finally come to a close.

The order issued from the Office of Student Affairs was unequivocal.

“We are deeply troubled to have heard of the incidents of Mocktail Networking Session #2 and condemn them in the strongest possible terms. Efforts are currently underway to identify the students responsible, understand exactly how go-go dancers got into Huntsman Hall, and formally apologize to community members affected.”

Reports indicate that multiple students were MERTed as JMHH 260 blasted House EDM and several freshmen overdosed on sugary mocktails at the eponymous Mocktail Networking Session #2 hosted by GRC. The group has recently risen in prestige within Wharton’s competitive club scene — for some freshmen, the pressure to get in was simply too much.

“They made us start with a case race of Hawaiian Punch before shotgunning 5 Seven-Ups each. I don’t feel comfortable sharing more,” one freshman told UTB, under a strict condition of anonymity due to fear of retribution. 

“Chug, chug, chug,” another freshman recounted between tears, remembering how every drop of “The Market Mule” she put down made her think she’d be hip like the people in GRC. After being rushed to Penn Med that night, she now knows better, she says.

GRC leadership were not available for comment as sources report a chaotic internal scramble among club officers to quickly repatriate the exotic show animals imported for the event. 

Rumors are spreading that GRC will continue to operate off-campus this year anyway. Negotiations might be underway with APES to form a joint organization — particularly convenient given the two groups' aligned goals. GRC already seems to be promising to some that Moshulu "will be better this year."