40 Things That Will Happen Before Penn Picks a New President

1. An El Taco will be built on the moon. 
2. A second El Taco will be built on the moon. 
3. El Taco Wars will take place on the moon between the two franchises. 
4. ETW II. 
5. El Taco stays open on Sundays.
6. El Taco renames their dishes.
7. My stuffed animal bunny rabbit develops the ability to eat El Taco.
8. El Taco expands into the neighboring spaces, including the new McClelland Grab and Go.
9. El Taco becomes the official caterer of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.
10. My friend [Maya/Carey] and I stop talking about El Taco.
11. El Taco expands to Mars.
12. El Taco develops its own AI chatbot, “El Talko”.
13. El Talko becomes sentient. 
14. El Talko begins ETW III.
15. I run into Millard Fillmore at El Taco.
16. We think of 100 things to put on our list about El Taco.
17. Millard Filmore becomes enamored with the offerings at El Taco, invests $15mm for 1% equity.
18. El Taco goes under, replaced by El Burrito. 
19. El Taco grows legs and walks away.
20. El Taco learns how to ride a bike.
21. El Taco signs up for the Bike MS City to Shore Ride 2024.
22. El Taco raises enough money to be a Top Fundraiser for the Bike MS City to Shore Ride 2024.
23. El Taco completes the Bike MS City to Shore Ride 2024.
24. We go and pick up El Taco in Ocean City, New Jersey.
25. El Taco doesn’t want to leave Ocean City, New Jersey.
26. El Taco retires in Ocean City, New Jersey.
27. El Talko hacks into an unmanned drone and gets the attention of the U.S. Military. 
28. Now, El Talko’s got the Feds on his ass. 
29. El Taco finds out about the whole situation with El Talko, travels to Quantico. 
30. El Talko goes into hiding in his ex-wife’s vacation home in Maine. 
31. El Talko goes back in time and ghostwrites Charli XCX’s hit “Talk Talk” while in hiding.
32. El Talko is nominated for a Grammy (Best Pop Song for his work on “Talk Talk”). 
33. Naturally, El Talko is unable to attend the ceremony due to his fugitive status. 
34. Fans rally around El Talko – since when was it a crime to hack into an unmanned drone?
35. Apparently, the fans realize this is actually very serious, a widespread manhunt forms to find El Talko. 
36. This is where El Taco comes in. 
37. El Talko, with the help of El Taco, brokers a deal with the Feds.
38. They devise a plea bargain where El Talko is acquitted if he can get those astronauts back from space. 
39. El Talko enlists the help of Elon Musk (W ‘95, C ‘95) and SpaceX to bring the astronauts home safe, but discovers that Elon Musk (W ‘95, C ‘95) plans to reroute the ship to Jupiter and force the astronauts to open El Taco branch locations on Jupiter.
40. El Talko murders Elon Musk (W ‘95, C ‘95), deserting the astronauts in space and traveling to Jupiter himself to colonize The Red Planet.