Welcome Back! We Preferred You Abroad.

It’s nothing personal. Really! It’s just that, for once, things really felt like they were falling into place around here with you gone. 

Like we said: it’s nothing personal. Just so much happened last semester and it would take way too long to catch you up. Like Mark, for example, almost got a girlfriend. Twice. 

We know you just want to waltz in and act like everything is how you left it. But, I’m sorry, that’s just impossible. The vibes are completely different and, quite frankly, we don’t know if there’s even room for you anymore. In fact, we actually replaced you: see them right there? Say hi!

Yeah, they don’t look exactly like you but the eyes are like crazy the same. And similar hair too. And, arguably, they’re hotter which, honestly, is a big plus for our group. 

All this is to say, I just don’t think you can be a leader in this fraternity/a Tenor II in this A Capella group/Deputy Editor of Penn Appetit anymore. It just doesn’t make sense. Philly’s changed and it’s left you in the dust.