Breaking: My Heart - Can That Goth Baddie From 1410 Please Hit Me Up?

“My God, why hast thou forsaken me?”, I thought to myself. I had stepped foot into David Rittenhouse Laboratory for the very first time. It felt to me that this place was designed to suck the life out of you. Ghoulishly green walls, the unbearable stench of coffee, sweat and tears. This place was taking a piss… and I was Ben Franklin.

I stepped into class, dragging my soul along with me. My knees were weak.

But then I saw her.

I quickly wiped the tears away from my eyes to get a better look, to ensure she wasn’t an illusion or another one of God’s twisted jokes. But there she was, a true goth baddie.

My knees were weak once again, but for a very different reason.

It was as if the heavens cracked wide open and granted me this one final gift. 

An Angel of the Night, perfected to thrive in this misery. She made suffering seem divine.  She defied reality - her all-black dress, deep red lipstick and purple hair highlights somehow lit up the room more than the blinding yellow fluorescent lights. 

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As I write this I realize that I might be making a lot of this shit up and that I haven't attended a single 1410 lecture in weeks. This goth baddie might have just been a mirage, or she might have dropped the course (reasonable judgment). The only way I find out is by actually going to the lectures, which I don’t plan on doing anytime soon.

Thus, instead of chasing after this Schrödinger’s goth girl, I will expand my horizons. Ladies, if you fall into any one of these categories, please hit me up -

1. ALIVE (please)
2. Girl 
3. 18+!!!
4. Below 50 (negotiable)
5. Legal citizen of the United States of America
6. Heiress to a multi billion dollar fortune 
7. Willing to marry me within 6 months of graduation (non-negotiable)