I Lived It: Eating at a Different Halal Cart Is Basically Adultery

 I’ve been going to the same halal cart for an amazing, memorable year. I first ordered at the end of a long week after some lecture that I forgot about. The moment I let out the words “chicken over rice,” I became hooked. Since then, everything has been great: he memorized my order, we’re now on a first name basis, and I get a free falafel every once in a while for my loyalty. It’s perfect, and I couldn’t ask for anything better.

But then the summer hit; it was just too out of the way to get to my usual halal cart guy. I was working somewhere else in Philly when I saw a different halal cart just around the corner. It was more expensive and didn’t look nearly as good. Everybody went to it because it was quick and easy, ignoring how ran-through it was. Unfortunately, though, I was getting desperate. One time wouldn’t hurt, right? I’ll still go back and eat at the old halal cart like nothing ever happened. I shouldn’t, but it’s been so long since I’ve had those delicious red and white sauces. 

God, I caved. I was right: not nearly as good and not even a drink to go with it. There wasn’t a sense of care both during and after eating it. I don’t know why I sabotaged myself like that. To make matters worse, I kept going back. Without my old halal cart, I needed to get my fix somewhere else, somewhere more accessible for me at the time. It was a stupid thing that turned into something regular. 

I don’t know how I can go on right now. For the majority of the semester I’ve been able to order from my go-to cart without saying anything, but I’m so full of guilt that I feel like I’m gonna explode. I mean, I thought of my usual spot while I was eating the shittier halal food; that’s gotta count for something, right? I know it doesn’t work like that, but I need to tell myself something to take the edge off. I think I’m gonna explode from guilt if I don’t tell my original guy, but I know he’ll be heartbroken. Can someone please give me advice?