Aww! Freshman Couple Celebrates Three-Month Anniversary by Applying for Group Housing Together

Love is in the air, and housing is just around the corner! Room selection applications closed earlier this week, and freshmen across campus rushed to meet the last-minute deadline. Some freshmen came to some unfortunate realizations that they need to lie on their “lifestyle profile” so they don’t get another nightmare roommate, while others coped with not being as fat on the sophomore dining plan.

The timing, however, couldn’t be better for special sweethearts Susie Miller (E ’28) and Terry Smith (C ’28). Not only are they applying for housing, Valentine’s Day is coming up! And even better? They are celebrating their big THREE-MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!! Needless to say, they’re celebrating this milestone the only way young lovers know how: by applying for group housing together.

On the MyHomeAtPenn website, they filled out their individual profiles and preferences and created the beautiful roommate group name “2gether 4ever muahmuah.” Wow! That sure is… something, isn’t it? These lovebirds were gracious enough to offer some thoughts on this big move in this exclusive interview:

What made you two decide to live together?

Miller: The moment I first laid eyes on my Ter-Bear I knew I wanted to live with him, doesn’t matter how early (It should be noted a sparkle formed in her eyes).

Smith: [Chuckles smugly] Yeah, we’re hoping our times slots are good so we can get the room of our dreams: a one-bedroom double at Harnwell.

Do you expect any challenges with living together?

Smith: Oh, for sure. I’m excited to live with her, but just like any couple we’ll run into some difficulties. You know, I take really long showers and snore too loud [all laugh]. And you know, she leaves her hair clips everywhere, there’s garbage all over her floor, forgets to flush, gets stains all over her nice clothes and has to wear her ugly clothes all the time-

Miller: Hey-

Smith: But I think we can work through all of these issues!

Miller: Stop, what’s wrong with you? Why are you saying all that about me? That’s some really private and honestly rude stuff, Terry.

Smith: Why are you being so sensitive right now?

Miller: Sensitive? How can you not see how what you said was hurtful? To an INTERVIEWER who’s gonna PUBLISH this, by the way. The whole world’s gonna know about this, and I’m frankly so hurt and embarrassed right now. You know what? Since everything is out in the open now, I’m still mad that you asked me if we could do a triple with Bethany. You know I don’t like the way she acts with you.

Smith: WOAH Shhh, why are you saying all that? We’ll talk about this later, ok? Stop being a baby for now and we can talk later.

Miller: Fine… fucking asshole. 

Wow, your ability to quickly solve conflicts is truly remarkable! Have you guys thought about if worst comes to worst and you need to break up? What is your plan for that?

The couple did not respond to this question, and instead I was stared at with pale expressions and frozen eyes. An eerie silence filled the room and I excused myself shortly afterward. We at UTB wish them the best of luck on this journey — more luck than we’ve ever wished anybody!