Alex Jones Sees Error of Ways, Opens Cute Little Lesbian Bookstore

Roughly eight months ago, Alex Jones lost a seminal case for Republican commentators to the family members of the Sandy Hook shooting. While the judge initially sentenced Jones to paying the plaintiffs 1.5 Billion dollars, he offered Jones an alternative, somewhat unorthodox sentence. Instead of paying the 1.5 Billion dollars, Jones would put a fraction of the money into opening and running a cute little bookstore that would only sell books written by lesbian authors. 

While Jones initially rejected the idea, and gobbled his fat cheeks, he eventually came around to the idea. “When the judge originally pitched the idea? Nuh uh, no fuckin way” Jones said. ”But after reading Adrienne Rich’s Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence, it really opened my eyes to the plight of Lesbians, capital L, with respect.” 

“These books are turning the frogs…tolerant?” suggested Jones,” I had one frog that recommended Judith Butler’s Gender Trouble. I was having trouble with poststructuralist gender theory, and she really opened my eyes and clarified a lot of things.” 

Located in Portland, Jones’ store also supports new authors. The premier sapphic novel for this month’s book club recommendation is In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado.