Advice Column: Reveal Your Situationships Fivehead by Heading to Harnwell Wind Tunnel on a Stormy Day

Do you really like your new situationship, but you have only actually seen him in the dark depths of a late night? Does his hair cover up half his face and, quite possibly, his humongous forehead? We have just the solution. 

After a long week of yearning and confusion, it is time to conquer your fears and find out what this guy actually looks like. Grab a friend, walk down Locust and stake yourself out on the ledge outside of Harnwell. Grab a hearty meal from commons, and, if you think you could be there for a while, set up a full on tent (pro tip: put a sign on the outside that says Not an Encampment, so Penn police don’t get alerted). Now, you wait. 

At first, if he is taking a long time to show up, you can enjoy watching people as they struggle to walk through the ferocious wind tunnel between the high rises. You would seriously think some people are getting attacked from the way they fight to take their next step. 

And then, finally, there he is: the boy of your frat basement dreams. You will be perfectly teed up to see his hair blow mercilessly backwards on his head to reveal what's under that shaggy haircut. All of a sudden, his forehead looks at least three inches bigger than it did last Saturday night. Then four inches…. Then five inches…  then finally, his wig flies off and you see his truth: he is bald. 

You’re welcome for all the help!