Hill Couples Gear Up for First Annual Freakolympics

There ain’t no party like a Diddy party — except maybe whatever’s happening in Hill's fourth-floor club lounges at 2 a.m. on a Thursday.

Set to take place the week of May 6 through May 13 in Hill College House, the Freakolympics will pit freshman couples across campus against each other in a weeklong bracket-style competition to determine who can get the freakiest in Penn’s shared spaces and make everyone else the most uncomfortable.

Confirmed events include:

• Men’s 100m Quickie
• Mixed Synchronized Grinding
• Team GSR Moan-Off
• Men’s Shot Put
• Men and Women’s High Hump

Other college houses have also sent their finest freaks to compete. Eight couples from Riepe, five from Fisher, and one rogue duo from KCECH are in the bracket. Gregory and Stouffer declined to participate, citing "yeah… it’s dead as shit here."

When I asked one Hill couple (who requested anonymity “for professional reasons”) what motivates them to compete, they didn’t hesitate: "We’re not here to make friends."

The winning couple will receive permanent access to the Hill club lounge, a set of laminated "Get the fuck out of my GSR" cards, and a private meet-and-freak with Sexyy Redd.

The games are coming. The couches are sticky and ready. May the freakiest couple win.