The oppressed majority.

Don’t mince words, butcher them.

I mean...what a fucking creep, right?

This inquiry, pitched to the Penn Carey Law Global Institute for Human Rights, required an elite force of thinkers to tackle the case.

You are so bored and I know how much you hate that.

Scaaaarsdale. Scarsdalé. Dalé! Like Pitbull! Wow. That’s worldly.

Is he trying to get a referral to work in asset management, or is he trying to manage her assets? 

Now, if I die in combat – as I drive my digital billboard truck – there is no way that anyone at Penn or Liz Magill (we’re both Type O) will receive my bleeding heart, my “BRN” eyes, or my fat ass.

Like did she get in or not?

Sniffle, sniffle, little bitch.

We’ve all been there. It’s 10:07 —  the height of your mad dash to your 10:15 class — and everyone, and I mean everyone seems to be out on Locust. You see your professor, friends, enemies, and wait — is that the one girl your great aunt told you to keep an eye out for? 

When I next put on some groovy flared jeans, I will shake ass. I will party party party till my panties fall down. 

What if we were so far removed from it all that the lie became the truth?

Come on bro. No way you can tell me you’re proud of that stream. 

Cold lecture hall, be gone. Git!

I tend to assume the worst in women and I tend to be right. She’s “depressed?” Yeah, that’s code word for disinterested. She has other friends. Yeah, more like men. She’s 'gay'? Yeah, more happy without you.

The brothers, sisters, and siblings sought to address the low BMIs and high protein powder intakes of their members. You can guess which problem each house is afflicted with.

Hopefully, this guide can ease some of the internship uncertainty – possibly with the help of a few risqué LinkedIn messages. 

What you never hear these medicated girls say is, “It’s time to eat a little Something Something!”

I showered today. I’m wearing clothes that have been washed within the past five business days. Where is my praise?