So you’ve been talking to a guy for a little bit, but you just can’t tell how boujee he really is.

 Here he is at the Maclay family reunion last September. 

Has your guest every been to Six Flags Magic Mountain? That makes a difference in which tiny piece of paper I give them to put in a basket literally seven feet away. Oh wait, it’s a Tuesday before 2pm? Then I’m going to need your mother’s maiden name as well.  

Carlos Howard is only a freshman, but he’s already in three clubs, and all three of them use Slack. It goes without saying that Carlos is very important and constantly busy.  

John read five pages of his pop-psych freshman writing seminar book, then wrote down all of his tasks for that day, then decided that he was sad, so he picked up his things and headed back to Penn’s campus.

 These sleek Wunder Under High-Rise Tight Snow-Washed Ribbed leggings are something else. You could say that they’re the height of athleisure.

Jenny decided to pick up a Fujifilm disposable to take cute pics of her friends drinking various types of spiked seltzer.

As midterms season approaches, superstitious freshmen are more diligent than ever in their evasion of the compass. Unfortunately, spotted lanternflies have recognized this trend and are using it to further their agenda for survival, reproduction, and ecological destruction. 

Last Thursday, eyes from all around the classroom table peered enviously at Jesse Babin (C ‘22) as he flawlessly interpreted and explained a passage from Robert Smithson’s “Hotel Palenque,” effectively stealing the metaphorical spotlight in the room.

It might come as a surprise that Penn’s security force is one of the largest private police forces in the country.

When I left, after a totally appropriate amount of time might I add, I thought all parties had an adequate experience, and adequate should be like a solid B I think. 

However, we no longer live in a binary society of bashful woman and charming men. What about the coy gay bottoms and the dashing lesbian tops? What about the couples looking for a third? What about the little pig boys searching for the boots of a goddess to lick?

Sometimes, when the high is 67°, I feel a sense of hope. I get a semi for fall. I might even drink hot tea. But then, the next day it's back to a cesspool of heat and I am left sweating, flaccid, and with no release.

Rogerson High School had been down 20-24 in the fourth quarter against their rivals, Ridgeport High School, with just 12 seconds on the clock. The team had the ball at its own 30-yard line, and prospects were grim. That’s when Coach Matt told the team to play a hail mary like they’d practiced.

According to Campus Recreation Director Dr. Saul Marsh, “the gym basically goes empty after week one.

Sometimes, when she pulls the short straw and winds up with an anxiety attack, she starts sweating and drops a class.

But as you begin your search for primary sources, you start to notice your partner acting a bit strangely. Clenched jaw, twitchy fingers, darting eyes…wait a second. Could it be? Is your partner speedrunning Minesweeper instead of working on the presentation? Take this quiz to find out!

Applebaum suddenly remembered that Wharton MBA Admissions doesn't accept students who don’t know how to ski. When asked about the policy, Eric Chambers from the MBA Admissions Office commented “Just as we expect scores on the GMAT, we expect that students know how to ski."

The sidewalk biker is especially devastating to urban areas, disrupting pedestrian flow and increasing the risk of getting your foot run over on the way to class.

Every professor tells me the same thing about you Nick, that you’re a “great resource when writing a paper,” but let’s be real, when it’s down to the wire, I’m going on funfactz.com/great-depression to write my paper not Articles+ on Franklin.