Reminder: Police on Silly Segways Still Cops
It might come as a surprise that Penn’s security force is one of the largest private police forces in the country.
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Bumble App to Only Let Bottoms Message First
However, we no longer live in a binary society of bashful woman and charming men. What about the coy gay bottoms and the dashing lesbian tops? What about the couples looking for a third? What about the little pig boys searching for the boots of a goddess to lick?
Reminder: Police on Silly Segways Still Cops
It might come as a surprise that Penn’s security force is one of the largest private police forces in the country.
I Slept with My Professor and Got a Worse Grade
When I left, after a totally appropriate amount of time might I add, I thought all parties had an adequate experience, and adequate should be like a solid B I think.
Bumble App to Only Let Bottoms Message First
However, we no longer live in a binary society of bashful woman and charming men. What about the coy gay bottoms and the dashing lesbian tops? What about the couples looking for a third? What about the little pig boys searching for the boots of a goddess to lick?
OP-ED: I’m Sick of Getting Cock Blocked by Fall Every Damn Day
Sometimes, when the high is 67°, I feel a sense of hope. I get a semi for fall. I might even drink hot tea. But then, the next day it's back to a cesspool of heat and I am left sweating, flaccid, and with no release.
Big Turn On: This Guy Showed Me a Clip of His High School Touchdown on Our First Date
Rogerson High School had been down 20-24 in the fourth quarter against their rivals, Ridgeport High School, with just 12 seconds on the clock. The team had the ball at its own 30-yard line, and prospects were grim. That’s when Coach Matt told the team to play a hail mary like they’d practiced.
To Save Money, Pottruck Will Only Stay Open First 5 Days of Semester
According to Campus Recreation Director Dr. Saul Marsh, “the gym basically goes empty after week one.
Student Excited to See If Coffee Will Cause Euphoria or Anxiety Attack
Sometimes, when she pulls the short straw and winds up with an anxiety attack, she starts sweating and drops a class.
Quiz: Is Your Partner Working on the Presentation or Are They Just Speedrunning Minesweeper?
But as you begin your search for primary sources, you start to notice your partner acting a bit strangely. Clenched jaw, twitchy fingers, darting eyes…wait a second. Could it be? Is your partner speedrunning Minesweeper instead of working on the presentation? Take this quiz to find out!
Student to Interview for Wharton MBA Program Fastens Ski Ticket to Arc'teryx
Applebaum suddenly remembered that Wharton MBA Admissions doesn't accept students who don’t know how to ski. When asked about the policy, Eric Chambers from the MBA Admissions Office commented “Just as we expect scores on the GMAT, we expect that students know how to ski."
Invasive Species Alert: Please Kill Anyone You See Biking on the Sidewalk
The sidewalk biker is especially devastating to urban areas, disrupting pedestrian flow and increasing the risk of getting your foot run over on the way to class.
Oh Boy! Nick the Librarian Is Coming to Class to Teach Me Primary Sources Again
Every professor tells me the same thing about you Nick, that you’re a “great resource when writing a paper,” but let’s be real, when it’s down to the wire, I’m going on funfactz.com/great-depression to write my paper not Articles+ on Franklin.
Deborah Feeling Real Cocky After Calling her Congressman
Deborah is basically the only person who has ever called her Congressman.
Confident! Senior Reserves Hotel Room for Future Son's 2041 graduation
Every year, parents struggle to find accommodations near campus during graduation season. When Bob Mallow (N ‘20) learned that his parents would be Skyping in on his big day, he knew things needed to change.
Report: 90% of the Class of 2023 Learned Good Words from Their Parents' Record Players
In last Thursday’s Democratic debate, former Vice President Joe Biden assaulted the audience’s ears with a two-minute diatribe on everything from racial relations to how to raise your kids. The lesson: make sure the lil fellas listen to the record player so they can hear words.
Insane Willpower: Guy Walks Past DRL Hallway Mirrors Without Stopping to Check Himself Out
It is a universal truth that a Penn student walking past the DRL hallway mirrors wouldn't be able to resist stopping and giving themselves a thorough ocular pat-down.
So Do We Just Steal from Mark's Cafe Now?
Why in the world would I not just grab my Sushi and Red Bull and walk away?
OP-ED: CVS on Walnut and 40th Is My Safe Space
No other CVS compares, and I’ve tried dozens. The CVS near Franklin’s Table is cold and unfeeling; the aisles stretch infinitely backward, the shelves are higher and menacing, the granola bar selection is subpar at best, seriously lacking in mint chip Cliff bars at worst.
Photo Essay: These Are All the Places on Campus I Would Kiss My Girlfriend If I Had One
I don't have a girlfriend (yet), but I've started making plans for when I inevitably get one. I did some scouting and put together this list of six extremely romantic places on campus where I would kiss her. Man, I love her so much already.
Freshman Celebrates 3 Birthdays, Graduation Before Her Wawa Mac and Cheese Is Ready
To Brightson, the minutes stretched on like eternities. After ten of them, she started getting sober. After 20, she was painfully sober. After 30, she wondered if she had made a mistake. At the 45 minute mark, Brightson fully gave in, returned home, and collapsed into her bed.
Compensating for Something? Micro Market to Exclusively Stock Magnum XL’s
Because, as you know, people who shop at Micro Mart are anything but micro, in any sense of the word.
