There you were, 100 feet away, nervously standing in the dappled sunlight of Locust Walk. Despite the freezing weather, your somehow still-sweaty hands clutched a stack of flyers: invitations to your beautiful soul.

Gillison entered Penn this past fall full of energy... Now, he looks more like a professor than a student.

Kauffman intended to be in and out of the store in under 10 minutes.

“I don’t know how much longer we can survive by just selling 100 dollar access codes.”

“My group is making tons of simple errors, but I would rather knowingly lose a few points here and there than confront them about it and make them feel bad."

Sure, there would be some drawbacks to renovating DRL. Penn could no longer use it as a haunted house. That one family would have to move out. Any money spent on renovating DRL is money the university can’t use to build the next New College House.

It was only supposed to be a quick summer romance – three months at the most. But then you reached out, and we kept our love burning. 

The closest thing to flowers you got on Valentines day was a bag of Hot Cheetos that you bought for yourself — and Cheetos aren't even anything like flowers.

Like an absolute moron, Adams threw all of his worldly possessions, consisting of his backpack, PennCard, and Canada Goose jacket, into a locker, heeding no mind to its number, not knowing that he would never see any of these items ever again.

The hyper-competitive Penn culture can make us feel that we need to do it all and have it all, but I don’t let it bother me because I’m literally a fucking G.

Martin Van Buren might have had his birthday back in December, but that's no excuse for me not to skip my 9 a.m. on Monday.

Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf gave an impassioned speech this week calling neglected Venmo requests an “epidemic” and a “total dick move, guys.”

We all know your spring break plans are going to eventually fall apart, but that doesn't mean everything in your life has to as well. UTB has compiled a list of five sturdy notebooks that will stay together despite the fact that they have a paper due the Monday after spring break. 

I web scraped every UTB article ever written, stored them in a .txt, and fed them to my bot.

Tensions were running at an all-time high when College sophomore Suzie Reyes chose not to do the readings for her LGST 100 class.

Sheck Wes’s “MUDBOY” has guided me through type 4 logs and type 2 craggly poos. Truly Sheck has been there through the best and worst of times.

While Campos can no longer enjoy her showers due to the traumatic incident, her laptop is definitely enjoying its bath in a large bowl of rice. 

I made a lot of unforgettable friends and had a lot of unforgettable experiences: eating cheese curds straight from the barrel, wearing a cheese hat at the packed Packers' stadium, sharing a Snickers salad with my Midwestern boys.

"As soon as I arrived at Penn, I noticed a disturbing lack of cattle."

You’re sitting in your 9 a.m. recitation, the professor droning on and on, and all you can think is: “I should have been up 3 hours ago milking my favorite dairy cow!”