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QUIZ: Does Your Mom Actually Miss You or Does She Need to Find a Hobby?
Did your mom send you three messages today that all say the same thing?
Thought Of The Day: I Want Liz Magill's Perfume
If someone reads this and knows what she uses please reach out & let me know ASAP.
Sophomore Who Double Paid For On-Campus Dorm and Chestnut Apartment Still Really Passionate About UC Townhomes Crisis
“It’s just crazy how limited available housing is these days,” Davis said as she walked from her Chestnut apartment living room, past the guest bedroom, and into her master bedroom.
My Roommate Did Something Genius And I Will Never Forgive Her
Det. Kreuger would like to note suspect was really chill and cool and fun.
BREAKING: Armed With Nuclear Warheads, Rival Sororities Compete for Fall Bake Sale ARCH Patio Space
Nothing screams Delta Delta Delta like a W88 for UGM-133 Trident II SLBM warhead!
Ciao, Bella! Girl Misses First Three Weeks of Class, Still on Island Time from Summering in Capri
The water there is just so clear. Almost, like a bottle of Voss, but not quite.
Fun Party Game: Guess Where I’m From but Every Time I Make Up a Fictional South Asian Country
You begin to feel how one usually feels after a few drinks: socially and morally conscious about your racial identity.
Report: Record Number of Penn Students to Enlist in the IDGAF War
Even Obama is gagging, diva.
Health Inspectors "Take It All Back" Now That Commons Moved Dessert Section Four Feet Left
We cry out and Penn Dining responds: "We hear you!"
Recently Reunited Long Distance Couples Confirm That My Dorm Is Definitely the Best Place to Study on Campus
Why are they sharing the lingering flavors of last night’s Commons meal on the bench right outside my window?
“Sometimes, A Drink Feels Like Family” & Other Non-Concerning Statements to Help You During Rush
Are you an absolute loser who’s still lugging it through the final parts of rushing & aren’t sure if you’ll make it? Don’t worry! We got you covered.
My Professor Is Mad! I Didn’t Do the Reading Because I Was Busy Finding the Truth
Even if we understand what someone is saying, that doesn’t actually mean that we understand it.
Have You Ever Kissed a Guy in Stouffer-Mayer? And Other Pickup Lines for People of Generally Low Social Standing
For one reason or another, you find yourself at the bottom of Penn’s social hierarchy. That’s ok. Maybe you’re ugly or from a weird state. Nothing you can really change.
“Let’s Get Drinks After This!” and Other Ways to End Your Last Appointment After You Age Out of Your Pediatricians Practice
Send out that When to Meet, sync your GCals, and enjoy your new best friend!
GBF Population Nosedives After Self-Actualized Girlypop Goes Abroad
They’re all in Spain, frolicking in Salamanca.
It Be My Great Fortuna! Hot Girl in My Marketing Class Says She Supports Labor
Oh Herr Engels, Herr Marx, Chairman, Uncle Ho. I thank thee for my great fortuna. Margaret from Ohio does indeed support labor.
How Studying At Fisher Fine Arts Helped Me (20, Masc) Understand Girlhood
I am now one Telfar and/or Marc Jacobs away from fully comprehending Penn-womanhood.
Gunboat Diplomacy: Study Abroad Soft Launches About as Soft as Opening of Japan by US Navy Commodore Matthew C. Perry
Each time I see the oh so not recognizable Amalfi Coast, a discreet half image of Big Ben, or the completely unfamiliar Sydney Opera House, my mind fills with textbook figures of gouty white men in uniforms stepping out of armed ships and [ACTION REQUIRED] emails.
7 Tips to Rush in the Eyes of Jesus
Sinning runs rampant; intoxication, fornication, and spiritual deprivation all accompany “Meeting the Bros” or “dirty rushing.” However, there is a way to do away with this filth and rush properly – rush how Jesus would.
BREAKING: Penn to Accept Its First Ever Lower Merionite
A decisive blow that’s sure to usher in new social interactions and a newfound appreciation for small, working-class communities: Penn Admissions has accepted a scrappy young fellow into the Class of 2027.