A recounting of pre-break events

Dozens of lost souls roam the rainy campus in search of a warm, quiet place to consume pop culture and do vape tricks.

After setting up headquarters in the lounge, the group proclaimed that they will be holding hostages until a “high rise 4BR with a pretty view” opens up. 

The girls have already formed close bonds and decided to create their own pseudo-sorority, titled in the typical Greek fashion: “Yo Gabba Gabba”.

Buckle up and let's discover some great foods together...

 As Marx once said, “let the people darty.” 

Big-Little season brings hope for a prosperous future but it is all one great big lie and no one actually knows what’s going on.

Woah, slow down chief. Who does this guy think he is?!

Through petitions and the amazing work of attentive student government officers making real change, Natural Light was brought to the shelves of Penn's finest dining establishments.  

 My hands are sweating. I’m Usain Bolt in the 2008 Beijing Olympics. 

Penn Engineers are having more sex than everyone. 

Soupe du jour? Friendship. 

Oh, what’s my major? I’m really glad you asked, it’s LET’S CUT THE FUCKING BULLSHIT AND SMOKE SOME CRACK-COCAINE.

Everything is going to be okay (heart emoji).

“Wow, woke king! This white guy takes to a minority today!”

Their presence strikes a fear unlike any other. Their neon shirts repel ne’er-do-wells from miles away. Their 3-gear bikes are rumored to be direct Tour de France hand-me-downs. They are Penn Security. And you don’t want to mess with them.

I mean, it was a fun sesh, but super? I thought it was pretty standard, all things considered. 

Yes, 90% of the rush class are freshmen, they will all do pretty much everything without you, and the only other sophomore is a little weird, but that's part of it!

Wax may be a public pariah but this part of her identity remains pubic. 

Mark, you shouldn't have! Mais non, Mark! Mark, mais non!