Arab noses can be so beautiful, darling.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a few pairs of Thinx period panties in my drawer, but this was too far.

Two authors offer compelling viewpoints regarding the ongoing UC Townhomes controversy. 

I just found out that no one dies from love? This discovery has me shocked and upset to say the least. 

SAE was even rumored to throw late nights and events, how festive! Students even called SAE "dank," as a California girl who loves to hit the blunt, I was sold.

“Who gives a fuck?” responded one West Philly resident interviewed by UTB. Future investigative work will be needed to determine why West Philly is so ungrateful.

Is this what the democratic ideals of our nation have led to?

Nearly 3000 of my current suitors flocked to witness me; I felt like that girl who sings a lot in Les Mis (I have never seen this movie).

Just one problem Lizzy – where are we gonna get all that lame green and brown shit that needs to go in the biopond?

I’m literally addicted to food I have to eat it every day.

Like waaaaaatch me leave this freaking darty luv

"Don't worry brother, you're definitely gonna catch me on campus next year,"

That building is The Gutty. Guh-tee. ?????.

How could I disobey such an important cause, such a vital commandment? 

Chinese-American student Ariana Grande (C’23) was present at the manifestation of the omen. 

“It’s great to see the folks every now and then. It’s so important to build a strong network."

Inshallah sorority sisters will lovingly adopt the hijab and fraternity brothers will embrace polygamy over cheating.

You’re gonna come, they dangle a pocket watch in front of your face. Your vision goes black. All you can think about is the Mask & Wig show. You’re convinced. 

"How can a man love mother nature if they cannot love women?"

The news comes only weeks after reports that Penn alumnus Mehmet Oz (Med, W ‘86) directed medical experiments which led to the deaths of over 300 dogs.