The world is crumbling before my micrometer-wide eyes!

Pottruck, a shining beacon of scholarship and mental advancement, has been home base for Penn’s brightest since 2003. And that’s what makes this new finding so baffling.

Are there any other pisces in the room?

Upon reflection, I am proposing that NONE of us talk about our lawyers, that way nobody feels left out. 

Welcome to the future and Vive la France!

ohh, did that one have fudge inside??? :) :) :) Hell YEAH! :) :) :) :) :)

I frolic around my lab bench, flirting with other boys and knocking over glassware.

How many times do I have to explain this? It’s really not that hard of a concept to grasp.

If students can shut up and enjoy their rice, then Penn Dining might consider adding lettuce again.

You're not you when your bladder's about to burst! Go buy a diaper :)

Amidst the week’s geopolitical turmoil, a recent Penn Dems communiqué urged members to center policy discussions around what voters really want: triple masking kindergarteners in perpetuity.

"I skipped my morning lecture because I got distracted by my reflection, and then I rolled around on the floor of McClelland for half an hour."

 My clout got too high! That happens sometimes. Hoes mad! 

Usually I am told that the reason for this emotional downpour is my kind face. I can’t change this about myself, believe me I’ve tried. So, I’ve devised a solution.

"Ballpark like … 800k. Y’know, not struggling, but not necessarily raking in the dough.”

The truth of the matter is that all of Russia’s best seasons are behind it. Putin can try his best to push the envelope by “violating international law” and “ignoring the national sovereignty of neighboring countries,” but for true fans, all the dynamism of the former Communist bloc is gone. 

Remember, you naked agent of everything. The world didn’t corrupt you; you corrupted the world. And now you are crying? You absolute angel.

“I thought we would just hook up and then see each other on Tinder for the next few years, maybe run into each other at Commons. I’m not really sure what to say.” 

I believe that no student should have to take Econ 001 or Econ 002 at Penn.

An eerie silence has settled over campus as students have returned to their homes to fastidiously monitor the Instagram activities of Kappa Alpha Theta sisters.