Most Recent
Oh, Melancholia! Everyday Pleasantries and Meaningful Friendships Reduced to Nothing With My Noise Canceling Headphones
If a tree falls in the forest, but I am wearing noise-canceling headphones, does it make a sound?
Student's Vow to Stop Vaping Undermined by Lack of Vow to Quit Drinking
“They’re gonna quit any day now,” said close friend Rick Flamenco, who always carries a Geek Bar set to burst mode on him, giving it during parties out to whoever asks. “I mean it’s not like any of us are addicted.”
Overheard At Penn: “Poor People Are Poor for a Reason” & 10 Other Statements
I swear these are all genuinely overheard.
Life’s Better on Saturn: I Contracted Dysentery From the Theos Luau Kiddie Pool
Submerging my body into that blue neon abyss was like reaching nirvana.
OP-ED: I’m Glad There’s No Quegger for Gay Men
You'd All Be Too Messy
10 Ways to Boost Your Social Status at Penn
10 tips from the hottest social climbers in University City.
Lights, Camera, Action: Student on Ozempic Desperate To Go Nude for Your Student Film
Carving a semi-glutide to student film pipeline
Op-Ed: Penn Should Accept More Qatari Money
It's kinda like printing more money but not bad.
Paid Advertisement: Penn Mock Trial Team Searching for White Male Pervert to Play Role of Jeffrey Epstein
When we decided to conduct a mock Epstein trial, we knew that we needed someone who committed the same exact crimes as Jeffrey, down to the smallest, most minute detail.
Local Student Attempts To Steal From Pret; Gets CHASED Over Bridge And Spanked
The student was found staggering across High Rise field, muttering "I must not steal, I must not steal."
Penn’s New Regulations Regarding On-Campus Protest: Scary Larry Given License to Kill
Interim President Jameson has announced he is done fucking around and is now strapped.
Penn Establishes Office of Inspection of the Office of Ethnic Inclusion of Non-Members of the Antisemitism Office that Aren’t in the Other Task Force
The Good News Is Here. Join the Task Forces.
Heartbreaking: No One Knew What “Owls” Was at This Student’s Internship
The workers seemed indifferent toward Theos, constantly misunderstood the name Apes, and displayed complete and total confusion as to whatever it is Phi Roses does on campus.
Wharton GRC Kicked Off Campus After Mocktail Networking Session #2 Got A Little Too Crazy
“Chug, chug, chug,” another freshman recounted between tears, remembering how every drop of “The Market Mule” she put down made her think she’d be hip like the people in GRC. After being rushed to Penn Med that night, she now knows better, she says.
How Was My Summer Internship? Two Words: Clash of Clans Town Hall Level Seven
Life is suffering, and the only way to alleviate it is Clash of Clans or percocets.
Breaking! I Went to the New Ellie and Mason House Opening on Penn’s Frat Row With What I Do ?
“oh, I’m finna be in the pit”
Justice for the Little Sibling: Exposing the Dark Underbelly of DP Photo
Giving a voice to the voiceless.
Help! Which Identity Based Social Circle Should I Segregate Myself Into?
I hope you found your community immediately after reading this enlightening article!
It’s Murder on the Dance Floor: My American Roommate Says I’m Exactly Like Fleabag
And, no, I don’t think it’s because Fleabag and I are both skinny and brunette.