“These students think I can’t understand them,” said Fluffy. “But I can understand everything. All the things they tell me, they hurt me. I never knew the world was such a horrible and cruel place. And I don’t understand why I have to bear the psychological burden of the cruel human world. Now I can never sleep at night.”
Anything helps and it only takes a second of your time. Be charitable this holiday season and change a young girl's life.
“These students think I can’t understand them,” said Fluffy. “But I can understand everything. All the things they tell me, they hurt me. I never knew the world was such a horrible and cruel place. And I don’t understand why I have to bear the psychological burden of the cruel human world. Now I can never sleep at night.”
The extremist group has appeared on your Facebook feed many times in the past—you always respond to those posts with a “sad face” emoji.
Anything helps and it only takes a second of your time. Be charitable this holiday season and change a young girl's life.
Only a professor’s combination of graying hair, softly wrinkled skin, and comments that make you say, “Wait, is he a Republican?” could so perfectly satisfy both my sapiosexuality and my Oedipus complex.
OMG protip: can you,,,, like take the staiws if u live on floor 5 or below??? Pl0x???// *tail swishing* roflcopter!!!!!!
Who am I, you ask? WHO AM I? I’m Wendell goddamn Pritchett! What do you mean, you’ve never heard of me? Shut up! SHUT! UP!!! God DAMN IT!
To calm the concerns of the Penn community and pat down controversy caused by his “shameless plug,” Cox reminds everyone that the proceeds of his club’s fundraiser will go to the Trump 2024 campaign.
Very Important Announcement From President Amy Gutmann Very Very Important Look Here Read Now Today Read
Though his instruction is clear, most of prof/g’s success can be attributed to something far more crude: his god-given voice.
Penn actually cares about us so super duper much. So much, in fact, that they are now requiring on-campus housing for life! We get to live in West Philly for...ever!!!!!!!
Four people—only one of which the website revealed was my mom—glanced over my resume.
Looking back at the headline of this article, which I pitched but a few paltry days ago, I can only conclude that it was birthed from a fit of narcissistic megalomania, potentially while I was under the influence of the good ol’ rotgut, no less.
My real friends have had horse manure thrown at them while drinking Natty Lights.
"We can excuse one or two or ten racially insensitive remarks, but we will draw the line at twenty-eight. We will not tolerate those who repeatedly—and we mean repeatedly—promote white supremacy."
Secret hangout uncovered!! Who would have thought?
UTB has secured an exclusive interview with the so-called “Penn students” who witnessed this hilarious gesture, but inexplicably remained stony-faced for the entire duration of the proverbial “show.”
According to Dylan, it's all part of the alpha mindset. “If you tell yourself you’re not cold, you won’t be c-c-cold,” he told us, teeth chattering.
Let’s address the university’s new double mask mandate for what it is: a blatantly misogynistic attack on the rights of sexy girls everywhere to show some skin and release some particles.
Thanks to this campus-wide fundraiser, Penn fraternities have been able to end women’s suffrage in multiple countries, including Canada, Mesopotamia, Texas, ancient Greece, and the USSR.
You used to be talking to just one person at a time? Now try 5, 10, even 20. Due to the definition of BFS dating, you’d be arriving at the same bases with all 20 of your people roughly around the same time, so that may be confusing.
Solutions by The State News
