We promise "Skabort" will be a crowd favorite at your next orgy.

She lamented her harrowing life as a young white girl. 

At this point, Lopez requested a nicotine break. 

In addition to the rebrand of their store name, they will be offering complimentary hits of poppers to all customers, expanding their jockstrap collection, and offering discounts on ketamine after your tenth purchase.

They are, in essence, pigs rolling around in a trough.

After Amy Gutmann's recent viewing of Footloose (1984) and her subsequent conversion to Christianity, she updated the Campus Compact to reflect the rules upheld in Elmore City: no dancing and absolutely no rock-and-roll music.

YES! Let’s just smoke a cigarette. Delish! Nothing tastes better than that.

Instead of society deeming him undesirable and unworthy of getting intimate with another human being, Jared will not be fucking to honor his Savior Jesus Christ instead.

The statement went on to detail that upwards of 70% of the senior class would not be admitted if they applied to Penn again and fundamentally do not deserve to be here. 

I found this website called Corona Cures XXX that gave a lot of cures that haven’t been circulated by mainstream medicine, among other things. 

Companies will appreciate your forward-thinking and might even take your initiative into account when they consider your application.  

For all the anti-vaxxers, anti-waxxers, anti-inheritance-taxxers, and anti-sexual-climaxxers out there - do you commonly find yourself wishing that you too had equal access to life-threatening blood clots?

Thanks to the McIlhenny Company, Fortson’s cooking has been made tolerable for the past couple of weeks.

Sure you do.

 Star students Pfizer and Moderna scored 95 on the first midterm while JnJ bombed to a 70. Forced to swallow their pride, JnJ panic-switched to pass/fail the night of the deadline.  

This past weekend I got the chance to play Never Have I Ever with Penn Class of 2025...the entire Penn Class of 2025. 

They will simply be getting more creative with how they judge students. 

 I sprinted into the convention center and plowed through the military guy that was managing the line. I sprinted down the hallway with no regard for any of the other patients. I hurdled the fences like I was a fucking Olympic athlete.  

Even after the 13–hour is up, the jouissance of EAST & UP is far from over.

Mike Pelanti, a senior studying sociology and concentrating in LGBTQ Studies, recently conducted a survey where he asked Penn undergraduates across all four schools one simple question: would you rather have a gay son, or daughter studying History and Sociology of Science?