Most Recent
Charlotte’s Surprise Pregnancy: Stingray Jesus or Classic Case of 2-Sharks-1-Stingray Threesome?
Is Charlotte the Virgin Mary of aquariums, or just a freaky lil gal...
Fiji Hosts Case Race for Palestine
I don’t know about you guys, but my money's on Fred the alcoholic. I heard that guy can pound ‘em back like there’s no tomorrow!
CS Student Swears He Didn’t Buy Apple Vision Pro To Watch VR Porn
“I’m interested in the metaverse. I’m excited for it as someone broadly interested in technology. But no I didn’t buy it for VR Porn”
OFSL to Offer Philanthropy Credit for Penn Global Seminars in “Third-World Countries”
Though Penn Global Seminar courses have deceptively claimed to broaden horizons and deepen cross-cultural understanding, OFSL’s new initiative clarifies that their true purpose is to provide “feel-good” service opportunities.
Israel Agrees to Ceasefire So Long as Palestine Renames Itself to Palestein
While you have heard compelling arguments supporting Israel and Palestine from experts at the top of their fields, (socialist girls and frat guys who have taken one poly sci class) breaking news shows that there is new information regarding the conflict.
"Girl, Are You Meek Mill? Because I've Been Having Dreams and Nightmares Bout Dat Azz" and Other Authentic Philly Pickup Lines
Girl, are you a jawn?
Antisemitism Does Not End Your Career, Bad Music Does: A Vultures Case Study
I’d rather listen to my dentist perform a root canal using some rusty drill
“Did My Ex-Boyfriend Block Me and Every Single Mutual Friend We Have or Just… Get Hacked?” and 10 Other Signs You Haven’t Properly Processed Your Parent’s Divorce
Have your eyes been opened to the truth?
BREAKING: Penn to Restrict Legacy Status to Applicants Conceived at SkiBT
Penn will also extend special status to applicants whose parents were avid coke users throughout their time at Penn.
Open Letter to DP Editors: Who Cares? Spell Pharaoh.
‘you’re so hot! You’re the most professional girl in the world!’
Babe, Come Over! Let's Set Up My Blu-Ray Player and Watch Ramona and Beezus
Not a thing in the world compares to the love of two sisters.
Jon Huntsman to Reinstate Donation After “Feeling Represented” by Penn President For First Time Since 1993 All-Female Run
Huntsman is no stranger to diversity, boasting several years of global ambassadorship under his belt and more impressively and relevantly, an LDS mission to Taiwan
New PENNMATH Stan, Willing to Trade Ultra Rare Photocards to Complete a Prof G Collection
I have a few rare cards of my bias wreckers Cooper and Rimmer, but I am only willing to trade them for other rare Ghrist PCs
BREAKING: Penn To Arrest Every White Person in a Wasian Couple
“We locked eyes in the ethnic food aisle in Trader Joe’s – right next to Trader Ming’s Kung Pao Chicken – and it was love at first sight.”
OP-ED: I Was Lulled to Sleep by My Upstair Neighbor’s Stroke Game Last Night. Do better, lil Bro.
Every time you fell, you got up again
Bugs are just Extra Protein: In Defense of 1920 Commons
If liking Commons is wrong, then I don’t want to be right
Hotshot Candidate for Penn Presidency Hosts Israeli Writers Conference in Genius Move
Kinda crazy no one else thought to do this
Classified Documents Leaked: Saint Anthony’s Hall Receives Record $84 Million Donation
The brotherhood rests on the pillars that diversity brings together individuals from a wide range of backgrounds.
Ah, Youth: I Saw Toddlers Playing on the Ben Franklin Bench
In this way, I will save you. Not from the Ben bench, but from yourselves.
Amidst Rising RSV Cases, Pottruck Gymbros Are Requested to Wipe Down Mirrors After Solo Make-Out Sessions
Nothing is more important than valuing yourself, feeling good about your appearance, and being comfortable in your own skin